Sigh...

Reading LOTR fanfiction while listening to magical music on Radio Rivendell....how absolutely delightful! On top of all this, there is a bright, cold moon outside glaring through meekly dark clouds. Though not a fan of the moon myself, I absolutely love the way the clouds glow when the moon is at its most powerful. It's even better if the moon is blocked by the clouds so that all that can be seen are the illuminated puffs of vapor.

This reminds me of a certain time in Sunamgonj. Things were just so spontaneous there. I loved it. For the past year and half, everything has had to be planned in advance; nearly every little detail. Though I try to act as though all is fine with me, I must admit, I hate having everything planned out. I feel so much better when things come as surprises.
Usually, when going to Sunamgonj, we would have no plans whatsoever, except maybe to go swimming in the pond. Yet, the visits there would end up quite memorable.
One night, my choto mama and a bunch of us cousins were just sitting around after dinner, talking. It was a beautiful night...cloudy, moonless, and very windy. Suddenly, near midnight, my mama says, " let's go for a long drive" (in sylheti, ofcourse). So all of us, about 8 of us, crammed into the little car, and off we went!

My mama decided to take us along the narrow, poorly paved road that runs between Sylhet and Sunamgonj. As it was the middle of the summer and monsoon season, the land on both sides of the road were completely flooded so that it seemed as if we were going along a narrow bridge through a vast gulf. As we went along, my mama blasted the music of the album Aadat, by Jal, and drove along at an alarming speed with all the windows down so that the cool wind tore through my hair. The sounds of Aadat pulsing through the car while we flew down that unlighted road put me in a state of both fear and ecstacy. I was so excited, it was hard not to scream out.

Eventually, we slowed down and stopped in the middle of the road, far from any trees or huts (there were no proper houses or buildings in that area), and looked out across the water on one side at Tengra Tila. At the time, there was an immense gas leak going on in that region. An enormous fire blazed and forced all the people of that village to evacuate. Though we were quite some distance away from that area, the multiple stories high flames could be seen clearly all the way from where we were.
We stood for some time on that lonely road watching the flames flicker and be reflected on the restless water. The wind was practically blowing us away, but I had almost forgotten it. My attention was caught by the deep red hue the flames projected on the blanket of clouds above it. It was as if the clouds were blazing. It is hard to explain the awe I felt watching that scene...and then, as usual, my brother came up with some strange ghost act and pulled my gaze away. Just then, as he almost convinced me of genuine fear, the rain came. It was so sudden, we were nearly soaked as we all ran back to the car and headed for home.
It is things like this...fairly simple, unplanned, and sweet...that give me so much joy. I just wish I didn't have so little of them nowadays.

Though babysitting takes away most of my time and energy, i'm finally getting around to some important reading. But it all just piles up. It's becoming overwhelming. I enjoy the challenges he gives me and wish I could keep up, but though i'm not really doing anything particularly notable this summer (no job or classes), taking care of a baby is much, much harder than it looks. At the end of the day, it's hard to work your brain. But i'll keep trying...

Whoever thought I, one who can be so stubborn most times, would be forcing such changes on myself?
Hopefully, these non-silvie-like books and studies will be worth it someday...